Thursday, 22 March 2012

...but its the Queen's language and we will continue to speak it the Queen's way!!

My father-out-law (soon to be in law) sent me this. English is not my mother language tongue but I thought it was very funny! The daddy is now fluent in Danish and learning the language made it clear that Danish grammar is all over the place too....... 
 The English Plural
according to ....

 We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ? 

Then one may be that, & three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother & also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim !

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English  for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square;
A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ?

 Doesn't it seem crazy that ...
you can make amends but not one amend ?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends ...
and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it ?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat ?

Sometimes I think all people who speak English
Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play,
and play at a recital ?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down;
In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
& in which an alarm goes off by going on.

If Father is Pop ....
how come Mother's not Mop ? ? ?


  1. I shall make sure to print this one! I think English people get some of these wrong too, let alone us 'foreigners'
    Have a nice weekend, Fx

    PS: more posts about wedding preparation, please. I'm so excited to hear it all. Hope your health is good a the moment and the kids are collaborating with tasks for the big day

    1. Thanks:) Will get a wedding post written straight away:) Have a lovely weekend.


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